Conciliatory Gestures – Helping Make It Safe to Reach Agreement

Mike Fassler
Mike Fassler

Families that work together successfully while maintaining positive family relationships have figured out how to have difficult conversations and reach agreement on challenging matters.  Conciliatory gestures, doing something or saying something that expresses a concession or a willingness to make a concession, can play an important role in this success.  Conciliatory gestures help create a safe environment for multiple parties to make concessions as they work toward agreement.

Examples of conciliatory gestures include apologizing for what was said or for how you behaved; acknowledging your contribution to the challenging situation which demonstrates a willingness to be accountable, and positive expressions about the other’s contribution.  These gestures demonstrate vulnerability and a desire to find common ground.  This in turn can elicit a conciliatory gesture on the part of others as the expressions send a message that fairness will be represented in the ultimate decision.

In order for this to be effective, all parties must share a fundamental belief that they all have the greater good of the family and the business in mind balanced with respect and consideration for individual interests.  Absent this mindset, conciliatory gestures may be viewed as less than authentic and therefore manipulative.

Give it a try.  The next time you are engaged in a discussion that is emotionally charged and where opinions vary, try out the use of a few conciliatory gestures.  Set the example for the group engaged in the discussion as it may be contagious and could lead to a break through to agreement.

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