Tag Archives: rules

What are Your Family’s Rules for Fighting

Chris Eckrich
Chris Eckrich

All families have rules for fighting, but very few families make them explicit.  Even worse many families have highly unproductive rules for fighting that leave heavy blast zones and bullet ridden bodies littered on the ground.  For business owning families serious about working together effectively, the unwritten and unspoken need to be made explicit and the family needs to craft and agree on methods of conflict resolution that will allow continuous learning and successful resolution of the issues causing tension.

Some common approaches include:

  • We speak for ourselves and do not blame others for our behavior or emotional reactions.
  • We own our individual emotional reactions and practice managing our hot buttons and triggers.
  • We seek to understand rather than rush to judgment.
  • We put one issue on the table at a time and make a list of new or unrelated issues that emerge during the discussion, coming back to them when there is time.
  • We state our goals in working with each other before we jump into conflict mode.
  • We behave as though there are cameras in the room and the videotape will be shown to future generations to judge how effective we were in caring for each other and resolving issues.

Ownership groups that agree on how they will address conflict and then put it into practice will benefit from strong alignment on how they handle sensitive issues.

How effective is your family’s plan for dealing with conflict?


Falling in love at work

Drew Mendoza
Drew Mendoza

What rules, if any, should address what happens if you and / or other members of your family who own stock in the family business fall in love with an employee?

We’ve seen cases where that employee becomes an in-law and ascends to the highest offices of the company and then:

  • The couple divorces and the now divorced key non-family executive leaves a gaping hole in the management team after leaving the business;
  • The couple divorces and the now divorced key non-family executive remains in place and life goes on;
  • The couple never divorces and is a strong and positive influence on the business and the family.

Can having a written policy really trump the tidal pull of love?  How can you legislate feelings?  What are the risks inherent to this situation? 

While there may not be a simple answer to these questions – we find the very best multi-generational business families are proactive.  They do what they can to anticipate likely eventualities – while realizing they do not have a crystal ball. 

Ideally families would have a policy around ‘relationships in the business’ in place before the next generation is 16.  The best policies we find are those crafted and adopted by the family council – with broad involvement of family members, and a thoughtful preamble that explains the policy’s rationale.  In cases where the family is too small for such a governance body, it falls to mom and dad to put the policy in place; again, before the next generation hits their mid-teens.

Whether or not the family permits or prohibits any kind of office romance depends on the family – and possibly the business culture.  However, failure to think about these issues can lead a family to feel ‘blindsided’ when confronted with an actual relationship, which would then exacerbate the risk to the business and the family.

 What is your family’s policy on love in the workplace?